Fear is an interesting thing. One of my friends has recently become afraid of the dark after seeing a horror film sequence (by mistake), and I’m currently suffering from an indeterminate but acute fear of Oh-help-I’m-sure-this-good-thing-will-come-to-an-end, so I’ve been thinking a bit about fear lately.
For many of us, these days our fears live mainly in our heads. Now, I’m not talking about fears based on things like war, abuse and famine, but those based on “What if…?” “What if I get a low score?” “What if there’s a monster under my bed?” “What if no one likes me?” “What if I die?” “What if I’m scared?”
A little bit of “fear” is a healthy thing because it keeps us from falling over cliff edges and out of windows. If we’re lucky it may even keep us from trying drugs or being robbed. But when this healthy apprehension spills over into a general fear of getting things wrong, it becomes a straight-jacket rather than a life-saving harness. “I always get it wrong” doesn’t leave much you can actually do safely. It will affect your perception of how you do at work, how you manage your relationships, how you deal with your economy. It will stop you from travelling to new places, trying new hobbies and getting to know new people.
An even more unwanted companion is the “double” fear of being scared. This is the gateway to the realm of phobias when you start avoiding places, people or situations where you fear you will be subjected to whatever you’re afraid of: syringes, pigeons, public speeches, intimacy, tunnels…
Whatever it is you’re afraid of, fear in itself is such a horrible, paralysing, debilitating feeling. You feel exposed, ensnared and crippled. When it’s bad, it runs your head and your life. And since this kind of fear basically only exists in our heads, other people can’t really make it better however kindly they tell us that there’s nothing to be afraid of. Luckily, there are good methods these days for dealing with fear, but all of them take a lot of work. (Hmm… That shouldn’t really be a “but”. It should be an “and”. No one said it would be easy.) We have to invest energy, take time to practise, do some soul-searching and above all start giving ourselves credit for what we’re doing. Accepting that it’s hard and recognising every bit of progress.
And one thing to remember is that in a way, not much in life can every be done “safely”. Anything we do can always go two ways: it can feel like a success or a failure. You may not like the book you bought or the food you ordered. You may not get the job you applied for and you may be rejected by your heart’s desire. And then again, the opposite may well apply – but if you don’t dare try it, you’ll never know.
Please don’t settle for living a life in fear. If you’re afraid of something, explore it. Question it. If a fear of yours limits you in any way, challenge it. Get help. Speak to someone you trust or contact a professional. Living constricted by fears is not really living, and life is worth living. You are worth living the life you’ve got to the full, so please, give fear a healthy kick in the guts. It doesn’t belong here!
Dragonmamp 